A few weeks ago I posted a blog about 5 Qualities every woman should look for in a man. Today I want to talk about 5 emotional needs most men have. Contrary to what society wants to portray we are not these physical animals that only need sex, sustenance and sleep to survive. We have needs that extend beyond the physical. Now, once again, every man is different and each man could make a different list as far as what they look for in a woman. However, I’d venture to say these 5 things would be top on most men’s list. It’s going to be tough narrowing this one down to 5 but here we go!
#1 – ENCOURAGEMENT
Okay I admit it; we men have fragile egos (pray for us)! Behind the swag and the bravado a man displays on the outside, there often times lies a man who may not be confident in his appearance, educational level, intelligence, personality, sense of humor, sense of style, spiritual walk, career accomplishments, place in life, financial situation, sexual health or a variety of other things. Every man is looking for a woman who makes him feel safe enough for him to share his deepest insecurities with. Most men know that it is not macho to show weakness when you step out to face the world each day. But no one can be strong all the time. Men are looking for that safe place to land where he no longer needs to be Superman and he can be assured that he is loved, accepted and encouraged even in the midst of his own insecurities. How do you do this? Be specific and encourage him in the following areas (career path, business/ministry pursuits, attractiveness, etc.). And if/when your man lets you know his insecurities be sure to encourage him in this area as well. It needs to be consistent and genuine. I can’t stress this enough. It means to publicly praise him before others. People will naturally gravitate to the place where they receive the greatest affirmation (work, sports, gym, church, etc.). He desires to receive that from you. I can assure you, your encouragement never gets old.
#2 – SUPPORT
Most men have goals, dreams and aspirations. If they don’t they need to get some. Men are “hunters” by nature. If you are with a “type A/Alpha male” you can be assured that close to the top of his list of things he desires in his woman is support. Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to relinquish all of your own personal goals. But in order to maximize his “love bank” (a concept taken from Willard Harley’s His Needs, Her Needs), he needs a lot of support. Now, with that being said, this brings up another VERY important issue. The ideal time to figure out whether or not you can support a man is prior to marriage. It’s during the courtship process. If the man has a clear vision of where he desires his life to go you need to assess whether he is the type of man you want to stand beside and support. Does he have the temperament and drive you can see yourself supporting? You also need to assess whether the particular vision he has fits you, your goals and your specific gifts. In other words, how are you naturally wired to help him get to where he believes he wants to go? Right or wrong, most men are looking for the woman who can support them and will often times pass up a woman he may consider more attractive for the one he knows will support his dreams.
#3 – FRIENDSHIP
Many men desire a woman who takes an interest in the things he is interested in. It could be a sport, sports team, hobby, or an activity such as working out. Women may enjoy a nice candlelight dinner and a two-hour conversation (and we do too). Men may value going to the gym together followed by watching a football game; neither of which may involve lots of talking. Every man is different. The point is to find out what your man’s favorite activities are and create opportunities for the two of you to do those things because he may not do so because he may falsely assume you are not interested in them. Now, with that being said some of his hobbies he will still desire to do by himself or with his boys, but the effort to understand them and take part in them can mean a lot to him. And if you begin doing these activities together it can bring the two of you closer together and it may lead to discovering a hobby that the two of you can do together.
#4 – RESPECT/SUBMISSION
Unfortunately this word has caused more conflict and controversy than it needs to. I’m going to give you the straight truth. If your man is a leader then this will be important to him. It’s an interesting balance. The more of a leader he is the more he will desire his woman’s input, opinion and support (as I mentioned above) because he will not be threatened by these. Also, because he is a leader, he desires to improve as a leader. Therefore, if he is secure and self-aware, he desires for those closest to him to challenge him so that he can become an even greater leader. This underscores the idea that submission is not silence. It’s challenging, advising, offering your opinion, etc. without communicating (verbally or non-verbally) disrespect or “I can do it better than you.” The key here is to balance criticism with praise. When you are consistent and genuine with praise you earn the right to correct them when they are wrong. Most men do not want to consistently fight with his woman or put up with an abrasive, combative, confrontational tone of voice. They desire to be challenged in a respectful way.
#5 – SPACE
Men need time to themselves. We need wind-down time at the end of the day. We need time to plan and strategize for our business pursuits and other goals we have set for ourselves and our families. We need time with the fellas. We need time for our hobbies. Know your man well enough to know when he needs this time and as long as it’s not excessive, do your best to give him his time and space.
SUMMARY
As I said, every man is different and could come up with a different list, however these are some of the most common emotional needs men have. A wise woman will discern what her man’s specific needs are and meet them to the same degree you desire him to meet yours.