Ladies, you meet a guy, and he seems real cool on the surface. But you’ve been down this road before and they all seem cool at the beginning, right? But, you pray about it, talk to some of your trusted friends and you feel comfortable “giving this guy a shot.” In this blog I want to share with you 5 things every Christian woman should be looking for in a man if she’s considering marrying him. Within each point lies a series of questions I suggest you consider.
#1 – How is his SPIRITUAL WALK?
So here you are asking the following questions. Does he attend church? Does he initiate prayer? If not, does he feel comfortable praying with me? Does he attend a weekly Bible study? Does he give to his church? Does he spend any time at all with God in prayer or personal devotion? In other words, is he making obvious attempts to invest in his spiritual growth? The reason why this is so important is because according to Eph. 5:22-24 you will one day have to submit to this man and live under his authority if you so choose to marry him. If he is not making spiritual growth a priority in his life then chances are your spiritual walk may end up being stunted. This leads me to my next quality to look for.
#2 – Is he SUBMISSIVE?
In other words, is he teachable? Have you observed that he is willing to submit himself to others? This is important for two reasons. First, because if he is not spiritually where you desire him to be today, if he is teachable he will put himself around other godly men who can invest in him and you can have confidence that over time he will continue to grow spiritually and become the spiritual leader you desire. However, I would not marry him until you are sure this process is underway and he is serious about it. Second reason is because if/when the two of you have conflict that you are not able to resolve you need to have some people that he is submitted to and respects that you can appeal to that can speak into his life. If he doesn’t have this then you may find yourself running into a brick wall when conflict arises with nowhere to go but to God.
#3 – Is he STABLE?
Here you may want to ask yourself several questions. Is he emotionally stable? Do you see extreme mood swings? How’s his anger when he’s stuck in a traffic jam? How does he treat other people? This is important because it’s easy to overlook these early on because we are in the infatuation stage. He may or may not treat you that way at the beginning because everyone puts on their best at first. Plus during dating you generally only see the person during their high times and we tend to hide our lows. Remember, people always revert back to who they really are, so eventually the way he treats other people will be the exact same way he treats you which is why it’s important to pay attention to how he treats other people. Secondly, is he financially stable? Notice I didn’t say, “does he make 6 figures?” Is he financially responsible? Does he have investments? Does he manage his money well regardless of how much he has? Is he generous to others? This question is very important to ask because studies have shown that financially stability is one of the top emotional needs of a woman. Studies also show that finances is a major contributor to the high divorce rate in our country. So make sure that he is in a decent position to take on a family and that you feel comfortable with how he manages his money.
#4 – Is he SACRIFICIAL?
How generous is he? Do you see him spending lots of money on himself but gets cheap all of a sudden when it comes to you? Does he spend a lot of money on himself but gives very little to his church or others? The truth is that when a man loves a woman he will be willing to sacrifice for her. Is he willing to sacrifice his time for you? When you ask him to help you with something is he always “busy” or is he willing to be inconvenienced and sacrifice his time to help you? Does he only want to spend time with you when it is convenient for him or does he schedule time with you and initiate quality time together?
#5 – Is he SECURE?
The last thing I encourage you to look at is whether a man is secure or not. Is he secure in who he is and where he is in life right now? Is he secure in his current career aspirations? Is he secure in how much money you make compared to what he makes? Is he secure in his educational level when compared to you? Is he secure in his current fitness level? If a man is insecure about any of these things it can greatly affect how he relates to you. As a result you often times end up playing the role of a counselor or a mother rather than a girlfriend and a wife. So make sure he is confident and secure in who he is.
SUMMARY
Ladies, if the guy you are considering dating does not bat 1000 on all of these qualities don’t automatically kick him to the curb. Use discernment as to whether you see growth in these areas or not. Remember that none of us are perfect and we are all a work in progress. However, it is easy to ignore many of these things at the beginning especially if we are driven by a strong desire to get married.