It’s Friday night. You’ve worked hard all week and your body is craving some attention.
Should I call my ex? We sure had a good connection. Hmmm, no that would create too much drama in my life that I don’t need. Plus it’s not fair to play with their emotions like that. After all, I know she still likes me and I would just be using her. But I’ve got to do SOMETHING with these urges. If I watch a flick, that will at least get me through the night. But I know it’s wrong. I know I’ll feel bad in the morning and throughout the day. What if people at church knew? Hmmm…
OR
My husband/wife is out of town. Even when he/she is in town I constantly hear the excuse of “I’m tired.” Our sex life has gotten boring, predictable and stale. I’m at my sexual peak and I need more than what I’m getting at home. There’s nothing wrong with watching a flick just to get me in the mood and get me through at least until he/she gets back in town. But wait, what if my spouse knew I was using this as a substitute to get by? How would that affect them? Worse than that, what if he/she were watching it too? How would I feel? Hmmm…
If you’ve ever had thoughts anywhere close to these two scenarios you are not alone. You wrestle with what your flesh wants to do and what you know God wants you to do. This conflict is normal and healthy within the Christian life. It indicates that the Holy Spirit is active and working in your life. Paul said in Gal. 5:17,
For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.
The statistics on internet pornography are staggering. Take some time and download this eBook entitled, “Pornography Stats.” These statistics will shock you. Just to state a few…
63% of men between 18-30 admit to watching porn several times a week! 76% of all women in the same age group admit to watching porn at least once a month! Wow.
So the question becomes,“How can we start to see victory in this area of sexual lust, more specifically pornography?”
In my video on “The Problem with Pornography” I talked about some of the problems associated with watching porn. In this blog I want to suggest 5 steps we can take to begin to see true victory over this habit. These same 5 steps can be applied to any addictive behavior hence the title of this blog.
#1 – BELIEVE FREEDOM IS POSSIBLE
Galatians 5:1 says,
It is for FREEDOM Christ has set you free. Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Romans 6:18 says,
You have been set FREE from SIN and have become slaves to RIGHTEOUSNESS
In other words Paul is saying, “Jesus didn’t die so that you could remain a slave to sin. He died so that you and I can experience true freedom.” But if you don’t really believe that deep within your heart, then it’s highly unlikely that you will be free from any addiction/habit. Satan’s got you right where he wants you because you’ve already bought into the lie that the power of your addiction is greater than the power of your God to set you free. You first have to want to get free and the only way of getting to this point is to realize the damage that it is causing to your life (marriage, career, ministry, spiritual life, finances, reputation, etc). Be honest…do you truly believe today that God can set you free from whatever your addiction is or have you given into “functioning in your dysfunction” for the rest of your life?
#2 – STOP RATIONALIZING IT
Prov. 28:13 says,
People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.
In other words, “STOP RATIONALIZING IT!” We are good at minimizing a problem because we don’t want to admit to ourselves that what we consider just a “bad habit” is really a “problem”. And what we consider a “problem” is really an “addiction”. We become masters at playing mind games with ourselves so that we avoid putting ourselves in the category of someone who needs “help.” Here are some common things we say to rationalize or justify our behavior.
“I just use it to get aroused so I can make love to my wife”
“Doing this is better than sleeping around or stepping out on my spouse”
“It’s not hurting anyone.” (yes it is, it’s hurting you and you don’t realize it)
“My spouse isn’t meeting my needs so I deserve this”
“I’m doing better than other people I know.”
“Everyone has a struggle.”
“No one’s perfect.”
And my personal favorite…
“If God didn’t want me to do this He would have fixed my situation by now.”
Any of these sound familiar? One of the reasons why many of us never get free from an addiction is because our pride will not allow us to admit that we have one. We’d rather say, “I mean, I look at it from time to time but it’s not a problem.” And year by year we suffer in silence like the frog whose owners put him in a container of lukewarm water. Slowly over time they increased the heat but because it was subtle the frog didn’t realize it until one day the frog boiled to death. Many of us are like that frog. We are slowly being heated up and we don’t even realize it. I encourage you today to STOP RATIONALIZING IT and admit it for what it is…”Houston, we have a problem.“.
#3 – TAKE RADICAL ACTION
Matt. 5:30 says,
If your right hand causes you to stumble then cut it off AND throw it away.
I love how Jesus says, “Don’t just cut it off…THROW IT AWAY!” Now that’s radical! He obviously was not talking in literal terms but was speaking in extremes to hopefully get people to recognize the seriousness of dealing with sin. In dealing with this particular sin the radical action I would recommend would be to get an internet filter installed on your desktop and all mobile devices (www.covenanteyes.com). You can set it up to where someone you trust will receive an email every time you visit a site that is inappropriate. Only people who are VERY serious about getting free do this. Most people don’t want to take this step because we don’t want someone else monitoring our internet usage. “I’m grown!” “I can do this myself!” But let’s be honest, have you seen victory on your own? I’m reminded of the story of the lame man who sat at the pool for 38 years waiting to be healed (John 5:1-5). Jesus asked him what appeared to be a stupid question and said,
Do you want to get well?
John 5:6
How bad do you really want freedom? If someone said they would give you $1,000,000 if after one year you could prove to them you stopped your addiction, would you stop? To get the freedom you desire it may require taking radical action.
#4 – IDENTIFY THE REAL PROBLEM
Getting a filter on your computer will change your actions but not your heart. It may simply serve to mask a deeper issue. What is the real reason why you turn to pornography or any addiction for that matter? Is it loneliness? Is it to temporarily escape reality? Is it because you are not happy with yourself? Not happy with your life? You’re bored? You life lacks purpose? Are you angry towards God because He has disappointed you? Bitterness towards another person? Is there an underlying issue in your relationship that you’re apprehensive to bring up and discuss? Let’s get to the heart of WHY you turn to this addiction. Until we do so we are merely putting band-aids on bullet holes. Until you identify and deal with the real reason why you’re drawn to this you won’t experience change.
#5 – FEAR OF GOD
Prov. 14:27 says,
The fear of the Lord is a FOUNTAIN OF LIFE, turning a person from the snares of death.
This is THE most important one. You can get filters installed on your computer, but until your heart truly changes you will not experience freedom. Until you get to a point where you fear God and His discipline on your life more than the temporary thrill you’ll never change. Solomon said it’s this fear that can turn a person away from the snares/traps that are set specifically to destroy you. One of the best ways to establish this fear of God is to read how God dealt with certain people in the Bible who disobeyed Him. David lost his child because of his adultery and murder (2 Sam. 12:18). His son Solomon lost more than 80% of his kingdom because of his polygamy and spiritual adultery (1 Kings 11). The children of Israel were evicted from their Promised Land because of continued disobedience (2 Kings 18:9-12; 24:8-16). Achan and his entire family (see our sin can affect others) were put to death because of their disobedience (Josh. 7). And the list is endless…
So that leaves you and I. Although God is patient He’s also just. He’s a loving Father who disciplines His children. Do we really fear how God is going to discipline us if we persist in this addiction?
SUMMARY
If you’re struggling with an addiction you are not alone. God wants you set you free. God can set you free but you’re going to need help. I’m convinced you CAN’T do it alone. You need a community of people by your side to walk alongside you so you can experience the freedom God intends.